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Two Parties
"Two Parties" is the tenth episode of season 5 of the NBC television series Parks and Recreation. It originally aired on January 17th, 2013 to 3.92 million viewers. Storyline Ann Perkins and Chris Traeger are both busy prepping their respective bachelorette and bachelor parties for the bride and groom-to-be. Ann's party is going to be a typical bachelorette party: dancing, Jell-O shots and anything that can be penis shaped, will be penis shaped. The guys, on the other hand, have a more low-key night in store; Ben Wyatt's idea of a good time is beer and board games. The guys indulge Ben in a game of Settlers of Catan. As the game comes to a close, Tom Haverford finally reaches his breaking point, and suggests that the guys pay a visit to Eagleton's hot new bar, Essence, which specializes in "molecular mixology." The guys get to talking and quickly realize than none of them had Bachelor parties before their weddings. Chris declares that tonight, everyone gets their own Bachelor party experience. Meanwhile, at the bachelorette party, all of Ann's diligent planning seems to be going to waste. Leslie Knope discovers that Councilman Jamm is moving forward with their plans to turn the infamous Lot 48 into a Paunch Burger branch. Leslie contrives a plan to get revenge, littering the pit with what she hopes will pass as sacred Wamapoke artifacts, and thus halt all construction on the lot. But the second she does, she realizes she's made a horrible mistake. She confesses her mess to the girls and recruits them to help her fix it. For the next stop of the bachelor party adventure, the guys pay a visit to Jerry Gergich's favorite ice cream parlor, the location where he first met Gayle. After raising a cone to Jerry, they talk about Andy Dwyer's dream plans, which include a Colts game. Chris calls in a few favors and arranges for Colts owner Jim Irsay and Andy's favorite players Reggie Wayne and Andrew Luck to meet them at Lucas Oil Stadium. The guys wrap up their adventure with a visit to one of Ron's favorite joints: St. Elmo's Steak House, where their meal is paid for by Roy Hibbert, the Indiana Pacers player who was previously employed by Entertainment 720. Also at the restaurant with Hibbert is Mason Plumlee, another NBA player, from Indiana, uncredited and without spoken dialog. Newt Gingrich makes an surprise, unexpected appearance when Jerry accidentally confuses the table for the one he requested. The bachelorette party spends all night digging in what turns out to be a miserable night. To add insult to injury, their efforts were for nothing – her artifacts are found at the site the next day. They later meet with Ken Hotate of the Wamapoke Tribe, and Leslie privately confesses to him what she did. It's clear that Leslie's truly sorry, but her damage may be irreparable. The bachelor party turns out to be great success, but the guys only wish that there was some way they could show Chris just how much they appreciated his efforts. They buy Chris a "Best Best Man" trophy and reassure him that someday he'll meet the perfect girl for him, who's a super fit health goddess. But Chris surprises the guys, saying that someone who shares all of his interests may not be what he's looking for anymore. All he really needs is someone who values happiness and friendship. This inspires Ben to set up Chris with reporter Shauna Malwae-Tweep, who's excited to write a story on Chris' bachelor party adventure. While meeting with Councilman Jamm and Leslie, Hotate confirms that the artifacts were not legitimate. But before he lets Leslie confess, he pulls a surprising move and tells Jamm that he didn't like the way he went back on his word with Leslie, as it reminds him of the way the settlers treated his ancestors. He threatens Pawnee Restaurant Association spokeswoman Kathryn Pinewood with removing Paunch Burger establishments from the Wamapoke Casino if Jamm does not back down. This scares Jamm straight, and he agrees to put aside construction for now. Quotes Ben: '''I'm not a big Bachelor party kinda guy, so when the guys asked me what my perfect night would be I told them the truth - 'Beer and board games'. They thought I was kidding. I was not kidding. '''April: Is this gonna be one of those Bachelorette parties where things get out of control, and we murder someone, and then we all have to take a blood-oath to never reveal our secret? Ann: No! April: Then I might have to leave early. Ron: Tom ''Son, there's no wrong way to consume alcohol. ''when they are at Essence, Ron watches Tom inhale vapors from his drink Ron: This is the wrong way to consume alcohol! Essence barkeep: Here's your Bud Light. cup filled with blue cotton candy Andy: I ordered a beer! Essence barkeep: That is a beer. looks at it confused Essence barkeep: Who ordered the scotch? Ron: Right here. Essence barkeep: Hold out your hands, please? hesitatingly does so, and the barkeep applies a lotion on his hand and rubs it in men are at Sherm's Ice Cream Shop Jerry: You know, I met Gayle right here at Sherm's. She was slender, blonde hair, big breasts, long legs. Not my type at all. Chris: As all time Best Man, I suggest we raise a cone to Jerry Gergich! Ron, Andy, Chris, and Tom say "Jerry!" and toast their ice cream cones together Jerry: his ice cream ''Ah, geez! '''Ice Cream Man': Ah. No worries, Garry. him a fresh ice cream cone Jerry: Thanks. Ben: How did you have that ready so fast? Ice Cream Man: I always make a backup cone. He drops it about half the time. looks at Jerry/Garry questionably men arrive at Lucas Oil Stadium, home of the Indianapolis Colts Andy: I'm dead. I am dead, and this is what Heaven is like. I knew it. Jim Irsay: This whole place is yours! is touched Andy: Uh, Mister Andrew Luck, it is every Groom's dream to catch a touchdown pass thrown by you. Could you do me the honor? Andrew Luck: Yeah, let's do it. tosses a football to him Andy: Can you do the spiral tight? Andrew Luck: I'll try. runs toward the end zone, Luck throws the ball from the 28.5 yard line... and Andy catches it for the touchdown! The men cheer and applaud as Andy celebrates Ron: Gentlemen, welcome to the steakhouse of St. Elmo! Tonight, we eat something's flesh! I WANT MEAT!!! Tom: Jerry, are you sure this is our table? There's only four settings. Waiter: Jerry ''Excuse me, sir. This is not your table. '''Jerry': I thought you said "the Gergich party". Waiter: No, I said "the Gingrich party". waiter shows none other than Newt Gingrich! Jerry: gasps ''Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. ''moves to get up Tom: Dammit, Jerry! Jerry: excited ''You know what? Gingrich, Gergich. I wonder if we're related. '''Newt Gingrich': I don't think so, Jerry. Jerry: Okay! Ben: So, Bachelor boy, how's it going with Diane? Ron: happy ''I'm gonna be very candid with you all. I like her. ''Tom, Jerry, Chris, and Andy are elated Chris:' 'up to make a toast ''There are so many things that I could say about Ron. But I think that the Best Man speech should represent the Groom. So I will just say... To Ron. ''Tom, Jerry, and Andy say "To Ron!" and toast their drinks together Waiter: 'I thought you might also like to know that your meal has already been taken care of by Mister Hibbert. ''men look and are surprised and excited to see none other than Roy Hibbert of the Indiana Pacers! '''Tom: Roy Hibbert! Entertainment 720 reunion! up for a high five Roy Hibbert: unexcited ''Hey, Tom. ''the waiter ''I am not paying for that guy. He owes me a lot of money. '''Tom': downcast ''It's true. '''Ben': Chris ''Congratulations. You have won the award for Best Man. ''hands over a big trophy to Chris Tom: Full disclosure, I voted for Ryan Gosling. But you came in a close second. Tom: The year is 2018. America is thriving under President Nick Cannon. And tomorrow, Chris Traeger’s getting married. Ron: Who’s the lucky lady? Maybe she’s an upbeat gal who’s nuts about fitness. Jerry: Maybe she owns a juice bar in Snerling. Andy: Maybe it’s April. looks confused ''Maybe I die, sky diving explosion. And then you go, marry April. And, it makes me sad. But if she’s gonna be with somebody, I’d like it to be you. '''Chris': Strange, but sweet. Andy: Only, I didn’t really die. I was faking it. And I come back. I spy on ya, from my red Corvette. I’m plannin’ to kick your ass, but I see how happy you make her. And I have to walk away, I have to. And I do, slowly, in a rain storm. Ben: Okay, this isn’t really in the spirit of what we’re trying to do- Andy: But as time goes by it eats away at me. You’re out livin’ it up with my wife. And I’m alone. In a cave. Training. pause Ron: Anyone else want to chime in? Andy: I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend! is stunned